Choices and Decisions

Katherine, I just spent a high energy hour playing with you... and we had lots of fun together! When I saw you started to get tired, rubbing your little eys with your tiny hands, I sat down with you in our big chair in your room, gave you your "good-night" bottle and you fell asleep cuddled up in my arms. This is part of our routine and I miss this special time only on occasion when I have a commitment in the evening.

As you were falling asleep in my arms tonight, I was thinking what I'm not doing because I'm spending time with you, right here, right now. I had an invitation to fly to Toronto at the end of this weekend for a business event. Having a conversation with a friend a few days ago, he said to me "it's too bad you can't make it" and while I knew he understood, after the phone call I found myself wondering, could I have gone, should I have gone? I'm sure I would have had a great time, been spoiled with luxurious food and accommodation, and have had many meaningful conversations. But I would have missed spending time with you. And I know, realistically, I will travel for business sometimes as you are growing up, and sometimes this will mean that we'll be spending some time apart... I'm just not ready for that, not just yet.

You are teaching me that "giving up" an opportunity doesn't really feel like giving up anything when it's for the right reason, and for this weekend, I know it's a choice worth making. As I am typing this blog entry, quietly sitting in your room where you are sleeping deeply now, I can't help but think about how the choices we make every day shape the life we live. We just cannot get caught up in wondering what different outcomes different choices would bring, but we must be confident in our ability to make the right decisions. Just as I am sure I want to be here Sunday evening to kiss you good night and cuddle you to sleep.

Special Moments

Katherine, we're having so much fun together! And you just keep learning, growing and developing at warp speed. Yesterday morning you were in your room on a blanket and I decided it would be nice to roll you from your back onto your front for some tummy time. Just before I did that, I zipped downstairs to grab the video camera (telling myself I take some many pictures of you, I should really take some video too)... So I'm all set with the camera, roll you on your tummy and begin recording, quite honestly concentrating more on making sure you're well in the picuture than on you. In that moment you look up, and roll on your back completely by yourelf for the first time! I wasn't sure what surprised me more... that you rolled over or that I caught it on video.

Later in the afternoon Mark took me out to a coffee place... and one thing you have taught us about going out is to go to a busy place so you can "people watch". So we went to the coffee place that's inside the big bookstore in the mall - always busy and so much to see, hear and smell there for you. After a while you got a bit unsettled, so you and I took a stoll through the bookstore, inevitably ending up in the children's book section. And there I learned that you are quite capable of making decisions of what you do and don't like (I just need to be present in the moment to listen). Just for fun I showed you a book about colours which completely caught your attention. After we put it back and kept strolling, I showed you a few other books (including another colour book I thought was way cuter than the first one), but none of them really seemed to interest you too much. Later on I decided to show you the book again, and again you were captivated by it... so buying you a copy was an easy choice and you are "reading" it with great interest.

You are teaching me that you are your own person, ever so small still, but nevertheless a person with opinions, feelings and the power to make her own choices. Be it choosing when it's the right time to roll over for the first time (thank you for having such perfect timing!!), or be it choosing what books you like. It's my job to protect you, to nurture and love you, but it's also my job to give you the freedom to be yourself so that you can grow up to become a person who makes her choices with confidence and knows that her opinion matters.

Mother's Day

Katherine, yesterday was Mother's Day; my first Mother's day. Thank you for making it a very special day!

Right from the first moment in the morning I felt proud to be a mom - your mom. You did wake up very early, feeling a bit uncomfortable and the food from your bottle did not stay down. Your dad was already by your side and I did jump out of bed too; there we were changing sheets and cleaning your face when you looked at Dad and me, and all of a sudden the happiest smile appeared on your face. Feeling much better again, you were giggling and reaching out to touch us. You dad was laughing and said to me "Happy Mother's Day" and sitting there amongst wet cloths I felt so proud, so privileged to be Mom - I'm not joking... it was such a perfect family moment - filled with love and genuine care for each other.

We spent the whole day together as a family, including a fabulous lunch out and an even more fabulous walk to the beach... I still had a smile on my face when I fell into bed exhausted at the end of the day.

You are teaching me that the perfect day is the one we choose to make perfect. When we went out for lunch you were unsettled, so we took a walk around the parking lot and strolled into some stores, until you were calmer - lunch is fabulous at 2 pm when it's Sunday and there is no schedule. Things may not always go exactly to plan but we're able to do anything when we do it together - and that makes for a perfect day!

Smiles, Laughs and Giggles

Katherine, when you smile, the world (and the people) around you light up. You have a very special gift to brighten people’s days in an instant with your gorgeous smile that stretches across your face and makes your beautiful blue eyes sparkle.

I have to admit, I’ll do anything to make you laugh… I’ll hug you, make funny noises and faces or give you a big kiss. Often you reward me by grinning widely from ear to ear (and if you throw in a giggle too… well, I can’t help myself but giggle with you). But some moments, I don’t need to do anything – you just look in my eyes and smile; those are moments full of love and connection and I they are etched into my heart forever.

You are teaching me that laughing more, sometimes over silly things, gets me to take myself – and the people around me – not so seriously. Life feels much lighter when I laugh and smile more; I feel happier, am less stressed and seem to cope much easier with the little curve balls life throws me. And you are teaching me that giving away a heartfelt smile to a partner, a friend or even a complete stranger, costs nothing more than a moment and often means everything.