Katherine, I just spent a high energy hour playing with you... and we had lots of fun together! When I saw you started to get tired, rubbing your little eys with your tiny hands, I sat down with you in our big chair in your room, gave you your "good-night" bottle and you fell asleep cuddled up in my arms. This is part of our routine and I miss this special time only on occasion when I have a commitment in the evening.As you were falling asleep in my arms tonight, I was thinking what I'm not doing because I'm spending time with you, right here, right now. I had an invitation to fly to Toronto at the end of this weekend for a business event. Having a conversation with a friend a few days ago, he said to me "it's too bad you can't make it" and while I knew he understood, after the phone call I found myself wondering, could I have gone, should I have gone? I'm sure I would have had a great time, been spoiled with luxurious food and accommodation, and have had many meaningful conversations. But I would have missed spending time with you. And I know, realistically, I will travel for business sometimes as you are growing up, and sometimes this will mean that we'll be spending some time apart... I'm just not ready for that, not just yet.
You are teaching me that "giving up" an opportunity doesn't really feel like giving up anything when it's for the right reason, and for this weekend, I know it's a choice worth making. As I am typing this blog entry, quietly sitting in your room where you are sleeping deeply now, I can't help but think about how the choices we make every day shape the life we live. We just cannot get caught up in wondering what different outcomes different choices would bring, but we must be confident in our ability to make the right decisions. Just as I am sure I want to be here Sunday evening to kiss you good night and cuddle you to sleep.
